How Can You Build Confidence?

Of course, Koko. Come sit down. What happened?

That feeling of freezing up — I know it well. What was going through your mind in that moment?

And how did you feel after Tommy went up?

That feeling you are describing, Koko, is something almost everyone experiences. It has a name. It is called a lack of confidence.

Not exactly. Confidence is the belief that you are capable of doing something, even when it feels hard. It is not about having no fear at all.

Absolutely. In fact, I would say confidence is not the absence of fear. It is deciding to try anyway. Let me show you something in the library.

Here we go. I pulled this book out earlier — it is about a famous gymnast named Simone. She described feeling terrified before every single competition.

She trained so much that her body knew what to do, even when her mind was nervous. That is one of the biggest secrets to confidence, Koko. Preparation.

Exactly right. When you prepare well, you give your brain real evidence that you can do something. And that evidence builds trust in yourself.

Precisely. And there is something else. Think about the first time you tried to ride your bike without training wheels. Were you confident then?

And yet, you kept going. And now you ride without even thinking about it. That is confidence that grew from doing something over and over.

That is a beautiful way to put it. Every time you try, even imperfectly, you are adding a small brick to your confidence. Over time, those bricks build something strong.

Exactly like that. And here is another important piece — the way you talk to yourself matters enormously. What did the voice in your head say when Ms. Maple asked for volunteers?

That voice is very common, and it is not always telling the truth. Confident people learn to notice that voice and gently challenge it. They ask, is that really true? What is the evidence?

Yes. That is called reframing. You are not pretending everything is perfect. You are choosing a thought that is more honest and more helpful.

I love that, Koko. That is exactly what it is. The situation stays the same, but how you look at it changes everything.

Every single week. Just last month, I had to give a speech to a room full of teachers. My wings were trembling the whole morning before.

I prepared well. I reminded myself of all the times I had spoken before and it had gone fine. And then I took a slow, deep breath, and I walked up anyway.

It went well. Not perfectly, but well. And that is enough. Confidence does not require perfection. It just requires showing up.